n 2003, I had my first depressive episode. Shortly thereafter, I suffered my first panic attack. It was, and at times still is, incredibly painful. I was confused, afraid, and lost. It was like trying to put together a 10,000-piece puzzle and having no clue where to start. My journey began with visits to a therapist and today I spend a minimum of 10-minutes in a meditative state where I simply breathe. It was the most daunting and rewarding challenge of my life. It was the first piece to my puzzle. Often, I would blame everyone and everything around me, rarely taking ownership of decisions.

A large piece of my puzzle began taking shape when I stumbled upon an old collection of report cards that I found in my garage.

A Blast from the Past

Report Cards from 1980 to 1988

From 1980–Kindergarten

“Mark will criticize others, and this has caused problems in his relationships with his peers. He needs reassurance he is doing well.”

“He does not respond when questioned and does not take responsibility for his actions.”

From 1983–1984 — Grade 4

“His carelessness brought his grade down.”

“Mark appears socially very happy and involved in school; he does need to work on self-control.”

“Test scores comprise 30% of your grades and will reflect your efforts.”

From 1984–1985 — 5th Grade

“Mark’s talking and lack of effort in studying for tests is starting to show.”

“Mark is an enthusiastic student, but he sometimes forgets the rules.”

From 1985–1986 — 6th Grade

“Mark is a nice boy who just doesn’t like to work hard.”

“Mark is capable of much better work.”

From 1986–1987 — 7th Grade

“[Mark] consistently seeks attention. [Mark] interrupts class!”

“Mark needs to work on the quality of his work.”

“Distracted.”

From 1987–1988 — Grade 8

Less talk, more work!

“Lately [Mark’s] behavior [has become] a problem.”

Reading these report cards was jarring. I began recognizing that I had always struggled with something. I spent my formative years being ridiculed and shamed. My teachers were doing the best they knew how at a time when mental health and learning differences weren’t even a blip on the radar.

It wouldn’t be until 2003 that I slowly began putting the pieces together and gained a deeper understanding of the most important person: me. I began a journey of self-discovery. Ironically, as I learned more about myself, I began to gain a much deeper understanding of others. I continued to seek out meaningful ways to serve while at the same time learning more about myself.

There are similarities in the way we treat our children and our employees. We are all doing the best we know-how, which is why my work is so meaningful. My inability to pay attention in first grade was a result of my undiagnosed ADHD, with every single criticism set on auto-play for the majority of my life.

A child being criticized all day by his or her teacher for fidgeting in his or her seat will begin internalizing to the point where he or she begins believing the things he or she hears. An employee struggling with his or her executive functioning skills will have the same reaction from the boss who is micromanaging everything he or she does. They are both painful. If you ever see a teacher patiently and skillfully guide a disruptive student, it is truly a blessing.

We need the same type of intention from our leaders. The best teachers take the time to anticipate the needs of the students. They hold them accountable but do so with dignity, intention, and purpose. Our children and employees deserve our best. We owe it to ourselves to become better.

It’s a way of seeing the world through a different lens. When you are open to endless possibilities, when you have the ability to see a different perspective, and when you are self-aware, you are well on your way to becoming an elevated leader.