It is true he did have health challenges, and his heart function was NOT at 100% or even at 85%, and he did suffer 2 mild heart attacks in the past, but it does not take away the pain of getting a phone call out of the blue saying HE's gone. He was getting ready to go to work like any other day.

Dealing With The Loss of A Love One!

On my own personal journey I selected to write about it, I had been the individual on the other end of grief encouraging others when they had loss a daughter, parent, or a close friend.

I had loss a very dear close friend of mine many years ago, and the grief was truly heavy. It lasted for a very long time, for several months up to 1 year, it was not until I have a night vision of him, and he told me he was no longer in pain, and he told me he was ok. The next morning, I told my husband about the night vision, and from that morning to this day I have not grieved about him.

Lazzerio R. Manson

It was December 11, 2023, when my brother's wife called my mother (my mother was at the hair salon when the call came in). My brother was at home, and ill I knew it was his workday; my mother had told me the day before that he had to work the next day. So, I knew it had to be serious when my mother called and told me my brother was sick. Right away I called his wife to see what was going on, she told me the EMT was at the house working on my brother. I immediately jumped up and told my aunt we had to go to the hospital that Lazzerio was being taken to Little Company of Mary Hospital. My brother was having a heart attack, my aunt jumped up out of her chair and went right into her room and put her clothes on.

I immediately got a Lyft ride for me and my aunt to go to the hospital. I tried my best to get to the hospital, because I knew it was over for my brother. We were about 10 - 15 minutes away from the hospital when my cellphone rang it was Debra Hollis, my brother 's wife sister, and she said those words that is still burning in my brain "he did not make it." I screamed to the top of my lungs; in my mind I felt sorry for the Lyft driver having to endure the sound of a woman in his car screaming to the top of her lungs. I still had the phone in my hand, but was ever stranger was someone at the hospital (I have no clue who) asked; "is she hurt?" Debra stated: "yes she is hurt and hung up the phone"! Anyone would know of course a sister would be in serious destress after receiving the news that her brother is gone. Why they asked the question, and I am sure it will plague me for days to come.

The Pain Of Losing A Brother!

The anguish, and endless pain of losing a sibling is an unbearable, and indescribable pain. When you lose that one person that always had an ear to listen, and would always genuinely ask "How are you doing with your health thing?" My brother always without fail always asked that one unmentionable question, he could never fix his mouth to say the word HIV, he would call it your thing. It was somewhat of an unspoken joke that he could not say HIV. I am a long-term survivor of being HIV positive, and when that one person is suddenly gone who was concerned, it cuts pretty deep. My brother and I always had a joke between us of how we were going to live in our senior years. We had agreed that we would take care of our youngest sibling (who is cable of taking care of himself) but we had our little deal that of course we would look out for him, and make sure he is always okay.

I was numb, and did not have any feelings for months, I had to do self-talk to start my day, every day. I would drag myself out of bed, tell myself to make my breakfast. I knew I have to do talk therapy to get through the day. I lost my brother on December 11, 2023, my number one problem that I found myself repeating to everyone was that; "I don't know what my future looks like without him."

I started researching grieving siblings, and I was surprised at the information that I found. The feelings that I had and still do have is very common among people who have lost a sibling. I felt that I did not have room to grieve, I did not want to talk to my mother about my grief, because she had her own. So that caused my circle of people to talk to, to be very small.

 

A Journey Called One Day at a Time

December 2024 made 1 year of my brother's existence of not being in this world, and it is still very un-real that he is not here. Any time he ran into a little trouble he would always text or call me all down through the years, I am now 61 years and that has always been our rhythm since I was 20 years old, if he needed a favor, he did not have to worry about who he was going to ask. I kind of smile every time I think about the VERY first car, I purchased was a light blue 1986 Buick Regal, I don't believe I had the car 30 days, and he needed a way to work, of course he asked to borrow the car, I said: "sure go ahead." And chances have he got into a wreck on the way home and totaled the car out.

Today, I thank God that I never said no to his many requests of a favor, from the mortgage being paid, to refinancing his mortgage to just taking out small loans. I would get so angry sometimes his repayment skills were less than favorable.

One day my mom said to me: "be thankful you never turned him away." I am learning to take this journey one day at a time.

At one time I was a member of True Rock Ministries where Pastor Earl Grandberry is still the Pastor, he would always tell take one day at a time. Back then I did not give much thought to the words, but today those words tell a whole different story. Taking one day at a day is the best way to live this life.