Let me ask you: Are you annoying? No, you say? Think about this: Do you know someone who is annoying? Undoubtedly! What if you were in their shoes: Do you think they know someone who is annoying? Probably. Could that someone be. . .YOU?!? I love asking this question when I work with groups because it is such an attention-grabbing question - it always gets a laugh. Some self-assured individuals throw their hand in the air and own their annoyance, while others look as though they are considering this question for the very first time. With groups that don't immediately own their personal annoyance, I let them in on a secret: they ARE annoying. I explain that I am not exempt: as someone with a Thinking preference I can find even nice people annoying at times! And if nice people can be annoying, I'm guessing the rest of us can be as well. The question helps reinforce the notion that the language used with the Myers-Briggs tool is meant to address differences between individuals in a less emotionally charged way. For example, I move from disliking you because you are a loud social butterfly always interrupting my work to maybe catching a glimmer of understanding that you may be genuinely interested in me and knowing more about me contributes to a better sense of teamwork. The question allows people to migrate from the egocentric thinking that is common for groups who are first introduced to their Myers-Briggs type and theory. Groups want to affirm their preferences and are then interested in how others can adapt to them. Groups with maturity, insight, and emotional intelligence will then want to know how they come across to others. The question serves as a transition from focusing on “What can you do for me?” to “What can I do for you?” The very characteristics that we love about ourselves can be viewed as obnoxious, overbearing, rude, insensitive, and annoying to those who preferences differ from ours. For example, intuitives experience sensors as predictable, too detailed, and averse to risk. Sensors counter that intuitives fail to stick to the plan, are unrealistic, and can’t stay on topic. We bond quickly with those who see the world as we do, and question the wisdom of those who don’t. Recognizing and articulating the preferences enables us to gain perspective and invites us to understand and appreciate how others see us and the world in a much different way. As I wrapped up my time at a recent workshop, the group asked if I could email them a document outlining how those with the opposite preference views them and commented that they may hang it up in their office. One individual shared that understanding how others may see him was invaluable. "Having a thinking preference, it's not that I don't care about other people's feelings, but I value efficiency. It's so helpful to understand the unintended messages I may be sending to my staff." Looking to improve your personal and professional effectiveness? A good place to start is asking yourself: Am I annoying? Neil Ihde Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Master Practitioner Type IQ www.typeiq.com 866-777-0017