Our Big Surprise at Death

What My Near Death Experience Taught Me... You Have a Big, Big Surprise In Store for You!

We have a big surprise at death. Yup... it's true. How do I know you ask? I died on 11/18/02... briefly mind you... obviously or I would really need a "Ghost Writer"... and what a big surprise I got. It has made my life more fun and surely the moment would be wasted if I did not share it. So... here you go... the following is based on my NDE or Near Death Experience.

On November 13, 2002, I was teaching at a sales seminar, it started at 3pm... at approximately 3:05pm I had a pain in my upper abdomen, unlike any pain that can be described in words. I knew immediately that I needed an ambulance. I said to my assistant "I have to go, you have to take over"... (Students who visited me later in the hospital told me I also said "and I am not sure if I am going to be back" and that part I do not remember.)

I had been studying the power of gratitude for ten years or so previously and practicing being grateful no matter what. I was reminding myself throughout each day, what I was grateful for and it was powerful. As I was waiting for the ambulance, I remember thinking that I was grateful for this experience and I was sure it was going to change my life forever. I thought of how the earth springs anew after a forest fire or a flood and I knew deep down that this health challenge, whatever it was, would change my life. Well, wow did it.

It did not matter to me at all, what was happening to my body. I remember nothing of a doctor telling me what my diagnosis was until after five weeks into the challenge and I do remember what happened clearly five days later on November 18th.

I was in and out of consciousness after being in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) since Wednesday evening late. My two friends, Janice and Warren were at the end of my bed visiting me. I was in that hospital room one second and the next, I was in a large room and there were lots of "people" there. Many of them I recognized, except for a brief time I did not realize they did not have their bodies. Only consciousness existed there.

At the front of this large room someone was speaking, a friend, and I thought, "let me move closer to hear what he was saying." I moved instantaneously. He was giving a eulogy and this person has touched a lot of lives and I thought "whoever this eulogy is for, he or she has touched a lot of lives, let me move closer to hear who it is about." Again I moved instantly. I realized the eulogy was for me.

At that moment I was asked a question "Stay or Go?" I thought for a second, "Well, I have touched a lot of lives, thy will be done" and I surrendered totally into whatever was next. There were no human emotions on the other side. No Fear... no thing that I can even describe in words. My human experience has no way to describe it for you here, trust me. The next second I was back in the hospital room and my two friends were still there at the end of the bed.

I said nothing of my experience to anyone for at least two weeks. Although my condition improved after that moment, I was still in the hospital for another 95 days after that point, sixty days straight, plus thirty five days in and out until sometime in March 2003.

A few weeks later, both Janice and Warren were again visiting me and I decided to tell them about my experience.

As I shared the beginning of my story, Warren said to me "I know when that was... it was Monday the 18th in the afternoon." I said to Warren, "How do you know?" He replied, "Well, all of your alarms were going off, your vital signs were crashing and doctors and nurses came running into the room saying 'this is it, you had better call his family.' "

I had Acute Necrotizing Pancreatitis. I had never had any symptoms. One second I was here and the next I was gone. The pancreas makes and manages insulin production for your body and also makes digestive enzymes. My pancreas had (I discovered later) a calcium deposit in the duct and on November 13th became totally blocked. At that point, my digestive enzymes exploded out of the pancreas, into my body cavity and ate the pancreas tissue on the way out. Those enzymes continue to eat body tissue once in the body cavity affecting organs like the liver and kidneys and the risk of death is high. Google it, if you like, I am not writing for the medical journal.

So here is the big surprise for all of us... the only thing mentioned at the moment of my death was the lives that I had touched. Amazing, no mention of sins and that is amazing to me since we humans spend so much time with the concept of sin in our minds, our religions, our readings, etc. Now mind you, I am not even suggesting that I was without sin, in fact, quite the opposite. I have made negative choices in my life and gratefully, I have learned from them and grown. What my NDE has taught me is this...

  • We are here to touch the lives of others and it matters, despite the fact that at death we are told we take nothing with us, it is not true. We take with us the lives that we have touched. Whether helping someone cross the street, holding a door open or helping save another's life, they all matter.
  • There was no mention of my mistakes or "sins" as we humans call it, none. This is really going to piss off the religious among us. I have always, since a young child, as far as I can remember, felt that we are unconditionally loved by a Universal force. I wanted to be a Priest as a young boy and why I did not was all the mention of only one way to get to heaven. My experience has confirmed for me that all of life is Divine, a miracle. Each and every one of us has a journey, a life of lessons to live. We come here to make mistakes and we pay for those mistakes here, not afterwards. Think of all the negative things that you have done, have you paid for them? In a Cause and Effect Universe, what you give, you get back. If you cause harm, you will get harm in return. Think of all the people in jail, they are paying the price here for their negative actions. I have always felt that the idea of paying for sins later was a human construct. In our ego little minds, we feel that everyone must pay, they must be punished, rest assured, they pay here. Do the right thing here and you take that with you.
  • Total surrender to the moment is a great gift. As Eckhart Tolle says in his book The Power of Now, "the only thing that matters is now." I was here one second and gone the next, what did all my replaying of the past or the concern for my future matter then? Not at all. Each second is a gift, which is why it's called "The Present." Take it as a gift. Each moment brings a potential lesson; if we are fully present we get the lesson. Relax into each moment.
  • Death is nothing to fear. My acronym for Fear is Facing "Enormous" Adversity Realistically. At death there is another moment. We live in an infinite Universe filled with energy that is not destroyed. Why would we, as energy forms be the exception? Live your life, help others, touch others lives with empathy and compassion. This lesson has empowered me to help others in each and every moment. I live to leave everyone and everything a little better than I found them. I am not concerned any longer for what I am getting, only for what I am giving. I know what I give I will get, without regard for where or from whom. How much of what we fear turns out to be wasted worry when we get past it? Most of what I have feared turned out later to be my ego mind running the show. Today I run the show. When I feel fear I ask myself, "Who is the thinker of these thoughts?" "Are these thoughts true?" "What is true?" If my fear involves my personal safety on the other hand, I pay attention and take care of myself. I face my fear realistically today.

If we free ourselves from the concept of sin and work to take care of each other, how could that be negative? We have a good outline for living a positive life... follow the Ten Commandments for sure. If you choose negative, we will get negative events in our lives in return. Remember it is a Cause and Effect Universe. Whatever you think, say and do is the Cause; your effect is the life that shows up as a result.

Many of us spend our life looking for God, or searching for the meaning of life. The Master is within, life is the teacher. The Divine or God, or the Universe or whatever you call it is all in all, in everything and everyone. Look no further than your own life, touch others with love and you have found God.

Give yourself permission to be the source of that for all and everything. Leave everyone and everything a little better than you found them, have fun living. If you make a mistake, don't worry, you'll pay for it. And don't worry about death, it's just another moment.

Gratefully yours,
Steve