Can you have courage without first having fear?
In one of my favorite movies “The Last of the Mohicans” that takes place in the 1700’s, a British officer offers the Indians his life in exchange for the life of the woman he loves, even though she loves someone else. Knowing that his fate would be a painful death, he most certainly must have had fear. Despite the fear, he acted in a way which he felt was for the highest good of all — allowing the lovers the potential for a life together.
In the 1960’s, civil rights leaders knew that assassination squads targeted them. They saw how their comrades in the struggle were brutally murdered, and surely they must have had fear that the same fate would befall them. Despite their fear, they acted in a way which they felt was for the highest good of all — so that people of color would no longer be discriminated against and would have the same opportunities as other racial and ethnic groups.
A few years ago, the CEO of a DuPage County hospital was faced with a choice — pay a seven figure bribe in order to obtain government approval to build a new facility or don’t pay the bribe knowing that the required approval would never be given.
Despite the fear of retaliation, the fear for personal safety and the fear of her reputation being besmirched, the CEO went to the FBI. Despite fears for her personal safety and of her informant role being uncovered, she wore recording devices to meetings, her office and phone were wiretapped, and she had to behave out of character in order to obtain the evidence that would put a stop to the government corruption.
Some of those involved in the corruption scheme are already serving prison time, others are under indictment. Despite her fears, she acted in a way which she felt was for the highest good of all — so that the public and the health care industry should not be held hostage to corrupt government officials.
While most of us have never had to face situations quite so dramatic, on virtually a daily basis we come face-to-face with one of our fears, whether or not we realize it. What are some of those situations?
· Having to admit to your boss that you made a mistake;
· Being truthful with a friend about something they did that was hurtful to you;
· Having a difficult conversation with someone you love about something that is bothering you;
· Confronting someone who is pocketing something they didn’t pay for;
· Making the phone call to invite someone to evaluate your multi-level business.
Why do those situations make us afraid? Could it be that it is not so much the situation itself that we fear, but rather we fear the consequences of acting?
· Admitting a mistake to your boss may result in a smaller pay increase or may get you fired,
· Damaging a friendship if we are honest with them,
· Losing the affections of someone you love if you don’t compromise your needs
· The infliction of physical harm if you confront someone
· Being rejected.
Our fears tend to be centered on what we would lose — loss of reputation, loss of the affections of a loved one, loss of physical comfort, loss of control, loss of social standing …
If fear is the yin, then courage is the yang. I have heard courage described as not the absence of fear, but acting despite your fear. How do we summon the courage from within ourselves to face our fears?
While facing our fears is not easy, perhaps we can act with courage if we focus on what would be gained rather than lost:
· Demonstrating your honesty so that others will trust you in the future,
· A friendship that is stronger than before,
· A more loving and satisfying relationship where your needs are addressed,
· Standing up to a wrong-doer so that other wrong-doers will be discouraged,
· Building your business into a profitable enterprise.
As a child and into my twenties, I was tormented by nightmares. I would wake up panting and terrified. I read somewhere that you should go back into the dream and face your fear. If you were being chased, stop running, turn around and look at what was chasing you. If a person or thing is threatening you, face them and tell it you are not afraid of it and that it can’t hurt you — it is a dream after all!
When I started practicing that technique, I found that I could fall restfully back asleep. Over the years, I experienced fewer and fewer nightmares. And now when I awake from a nightmare, I still go back into the dream and confront what scared me. What frightened me in my dream dissipates and vanishes before my eyes, just like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz.
Do you notice the physical clues that our bodies give us when we are afraid? Our hearts start to race, our breathing changes, our palms get sweaty, and we can feel the adrenaline coursing thru our veins.
Pay attention to those physical symptoms — they are the clues that let you know that you have a choice - either you succumb to your fears or you summon the courage to face them. Face-to-face!
We often hear that the fear of loss is one of the most powerful motivators. That may be so, but only if we have the courage to face those fears.
