The idea that a child suffers from low self-esteem scares most parents and they often will go to great lengths to learn about enhancing self-esteem. The amazing this is that most of us are going about it in the wrong way. The recent focus on our children’s happiness and self-esteem has led parents to go to great lengths to make sure their kids are happy and well adjusted. Sadly, this usually has the opposite effect.
In the never-ending quest for high self-esteem in our children, we may overlook what is really needed for our children to attain it. We have all witnessed the parent who does anything and everything for their child. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with that and we look to them as wonderful parents, and they are, but they may be doing things that actually lower self-esteem in their children. For example, if any of us were learning something new, and our “teacher” solved it for us or did it all for us, we would never learn a thing and nor would we feel good about ourselves. But if we were trying to learn something new, however difficult, and we struggled yet persevered, we would leave that situation feeling efficacious and confident in ourselves and our abilities.
This same theory applies to our children. If we constantly do everything for them without them feeling some frustration, then how will they ever have a sense of mastery over their environment? They won’t. I am not suggesting you withhold help, but I am suggesting that you sit back a bit and let them learn, frustrations and all, while mastering something new. This is what enhances self-esteem.
When I was young, I did not receive awards or ribbons just by being on a team, yet nowadays every child, no matter what, receives a ribbon or award just by participating. This doesn’t do anything to encourage a child to try their best or even rise above some of the others. When children have to push themselves and they succeed when doing so, this is when their self-esteem in enhanced.
We as parents, educators, and coaches need to find better ways to enhance self-esteem rather than figure it all out for the kids or by over praising. One might assume that praising a child for every wonderful thing that they do will encourage high self-esteem but this is also not the case. It will soon fall on deaf ears and kids will also come to expect the praise for everything and when it doesn’t come may feel down, depressed and lacking in self-esteem.
We all need to encourage our children to figure some things out on their own, even at a young age. Parents need to be supportive but not overpowering. Failure isn’t a bad thing; in fact it can be the most motivating of all. If our kids never fail and we protect them from it, surely they will be suffering from low self-esteem when the time comes to have to master anything.
