There is the almost eye-roll and rather superior voice that announces to you, as if you were not aware, that you're so-o-o-o sensitive. The implication is that this is not a good thing. You are somehow defective.
For years, I felt they were right. I was the one feeling all
the bumps in the road, and they were cruising along in shock-absorbed comfort. What
was wrong with me?
My thinking began to change in the ‘90s. I read an article
in the now-defunct “Intuition” magazine that discussed this concept, which was
launched by author, Elaine Arons in her book, The Highly Sensitive Person.
I immediately sent the article to my friend, Heidi. She’s definitely a highly sensitive person, and this article would make her feel better. I thought about some of my clients and other friends and realized, hey, they are very sensitive as well. And, then, belatedly, the light went on: surprise, I, too, am a highly sensitive person.
Not that I hadn’t been told repeatedly in my childhood that
I was way too sensitive about almost everything. As a kid, my father announced
that I should learn to play the mop since I was always crying.
And I was. I was the child crying in the bathroom during the
commercial break of the television show, Lassie.
Even at a young age, I knew, without a doubt, that Lassie would save the day,
but I still wept inconsolably for the plight of the characters.
Then, there were the sheets to consider. My mother had
matching sets. All of the sheets were striped, a respectable 1950’s quarter
inch of stripe. There were sets of pastel blue, green, yellow, and pink.
Amidst this watercolor palette, there were sets of sheets
striped in mud brown. These sheets were so intense that I would wake up in the
middle of the night and stare in bewilderment at their noisy striations. Their
color was too intense. I couldn’t sleep well. The sheets felt like a fog horn
blaring in my sleepy haze.
That’s the way it is for a highly sensitive person. You feel
things more intensely. And, needless to say, not every highly sensitive person
feels and senses the world in identical ways. Like most things, it can be viewed
along a spectrum.
Sensitivity is, essentially, a way of being in the world; it
is a kind of wiring. It is not a flaw. If you are sensitive, you respond to
sensory stimulation, be it color, sound, temperature, or emotion in a
heightened way.
Some sensitive persons are able to read a mood by foot fall
or tone of voice. They can sense the emotional temperature of a room. They are
aware of the unspoken dialogue in a gathering; they can simultaneously understand
assorted points of view. Many can feel the first wave of potential violence.
Heightened sensitivity is having a nervous system wired like
a finely-tuned race horse. Your nerve endings are amplified antennae that pick
up information and stimulation.
Given all that sensory bombardment, highly sensitive types require
more downtime and quiet. They need unstructured time of nothingness; increased
time for regrounding and rebalancing; and connecting time in nature to refuel
and refind self.
Sensitive individuals are very reactive to sugar and
caffeine consumption, too much jangle in their days, they disrupt their
equilibrium and can become all spiky themselves.
Interestingly, if you are sensitive, you need time to
process, reflect, and respond. You have what I call “tape delay.” For example,
if you and a loved one have words, you may not understand what you really think
and feel until the next day. As a sensitive person, it is important to step
away from the other’s energy field so you can determine what it is that you actually
think and feel.
If you are sensitive, you are acutely perceptive. You can
read nuance and understand subtlety; you can feel the slight trim of course
correction. You are sympathetic and empathetic.
In engineering, sensitivity refers to a responsiveness to
signals. That would hold true here. Sensitive types are able to discern signals
and read symbols.
In photography, sensitivity refers to a responsiveness to
light. Again, that makes sense. If you are a super sensitive you can perceive
the fluctuations of light and shadow, both literally and figuratively, in your
daily interactions.
In earlier times, the term “sensitive” referred to
individuals with psychic or clairvoyant abilities. These highly sensitive
persons were at the far end of the spectrum; their empathetic natures allowed them
to read the internal domain of others.
The curse of this highly developed sensitivity is that you
intensely feel almost everything, the good, the anxious, and the angry. You
unconsciously merge your energy field with another; you feel their everything.
You do not realize that what you are feeling often belongs to someone else.
Your soul work calls for you not to lose yourself in a sea
of sensory stimulation, but to be able to discern and define where you start
and where you end.
For the more developed and conscious sensitive person, the blessing is, indeed, that you are able to walk in another person’s shoes. This sensitivity births compassion, understanding, and connection
In today’s uncertain and fractious world, think of the possibilities for peacemaking, bridge building, and healing by a highly sensitive person. Isn’t that a blessing?
