Ever have one of
those days? You are brimming with newly found motivation and re-aligned
resolution. You haven’t even walked out of the door, yet, and the thought of
what you are going to accomplish has you filled with button-bursting pride. You
are puffed up with purpose. You are ready to course correct. Today is the first
day of the rest of your life.
By sheer force of will and determination coupled with the fact that you have
crossed that ultimate threshold: your clothes have shrunk, you get up and go to
the gym.
Remember the gym? It’s that place you pay monthly. You have a little tag on
your key chain that you generously flash to every supermarket checker you meet
when you buy slumber-party snacks and the like.
But, hey, that little key tag is akin to my very own red badge of courage; it
is proof-positive that I pay money to have a place to exercise and burn
calories. Really, flashing that sucker is almost as good as doing a few dozen
crunches. I look at my gym key tag as a kind of EZ Pass to the road of
junk-food highs.
However, as we all know all too well, and have yet to fully encode in our
memory banks, what goes up must come down. And there I am, rolling around in
considerable pain. And it is that pain that gets me to the gym. It takes the
pain of my clothes being tight, my body having more jiggle than wiggle, and my
stiff and groaning self to reach that oh-my-God-I-have-to-do-something tipping
point.
So, there I am, flashing my key tag to the actual front desk receptionist at
the gym. I expect trumpets at the very least, I am here; I have showed up for a
yoga class. Instead, I get a weak, bored smile and a second glance at my frayed
key tag.
By my calculations, given what I have paid in membership fees over the year and
the number of times I have actually showed up, this class costs me somewhere in
the neighborhood of $145.
I deliberately choose yoga. I want to start slowly and carefully; yoga should
do the trick. I will be on a mat on the floor. How hard can this be? It’s about
stretching and breathing; I can stretch, I can breathe. This should be doable.
I arrive to the class 10 minutes early. The instructor is there; she is
stretching and breathing. I am feeling a kinship already.
There is some kind of calming meditation-type music playing with the word “ohm”
being repeated. The class assembles in silence; everyone is stretching and
breathing and being oh so quiet. So far, so good.
I am feeling hopeful and confident, after all this isn’t my very first yoga class,
where I dissolved in a puddle of giggles; nor my second class where I
repeatedly crashed into the wall; nor my third class where I exited nauseous
and limping. I am coming into this room with some prior experience.
The class is filled to capacity with bright-eyed, Gumby-like students in
form-fitting togs. They are awe-struck and reverential to the instructor, a
lean, sleek and uber-serious young woman. The room bows before the altar of her
yogic wisdom as she leads us in pose after pose. The teacher’s style is stern.
One could well imagine this woman striding about in riding boots complete with
crop in hand, rhythmically tapping her palm.
We are on our mats. I am happy; I am close to the floor. We are led through a
series of body-pretzeling, animal-named poses. The teacher says we are going to
pick up the pace for the aerobic portion of the program. Oh boy. We stretch; we
breathe; we hold. The sweat is popping on my brow.
“Kneel on the left knee,” the teacher says. “Owie,” I say to myself. My left knee
cap has recently come to a point. I precariously kneel. We, then, move through
a series of twists, turns and holds. Up and downward facing dog, swan, cobra,
cat, the whole gang as we move through the motions that are to stretch the
body, clear the mind and create oneness with Spirit.
I am to use my right elbow for some kind of leverage. I find my legs entangled
and coiled; my arms spiral out like snakes in search of a hiding place. I can’t
tell left from right anymore. I am confused and overwhelmed; all cognitive
systems have shut down. Within in a matter of moments, I have become a human
knot, a virtual corkscrew of sweat pants and tee shirt.
And, then, it happens. I am falling through space. Like in the movies, it
unfolds in slow motion and ends with a leaden “kaboom” as I thud on the wooden,
studio floor – with a wall of mirrors, I might add.
I have fallen off my mat. Clearly, I haven’t fallen far, more like wide as I
missed the mark of the mat.
But who does that? Who falls off a yoga mat? This was no flying carpet; this
was your standard rubberized black mat. Well, me.
And it is pretty funny, don’t you think? Curiously, no one in the class lost a
beat, missed a pose or even noticed.
There I was, all proud and pretty to do my gym thing after a few months of EZ
Pass eating, and I fall off the mark.
In Aramaic, the word, “sin” is translated as to “miss the mark.” I think
missing my mat is synonymous with missing the mark. I have sinned, via that
definition, by disconnecting from myself. I hadn’t slowed down enough to listen
and learn, instead I tasted something yummy. I had forgotten to fill the hole
with the holy. Not a bad lesson to learn, even in a room filled with mirrors.
Help, I fell off of my yoga mat
About This Contributor
Adele R. McDowell
